


Lemme tell you

by Dumb_Scotticus



Series: Vineslash Minific [1]
Category: Vinesauce (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Drunken Confessions, I LIKE THIS TROPE OKAY GOSH, M/M, Rev Knows Things, Vinny's weird laughs, like almost entirely dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 07:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20373286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumb_Scotticus/pseuds/Dumb_Scotticus
Summary: Joel, Vinny, and Rev sit around in a call for a little while after a charity stream ends. Joel is a bit more...impairedthan the other two.Shenanigans ensue.





	Lemme tell you

**Author's Note:**

> i know i know i know i already used "joel gets drunk and spills the beans" in my other fic I KNOW I JUST REALLY LIKE THIS TROPE FOR JOEL OKAY ITS MY <strike>SLEEPOVER</strike> FIC AND I GET TO CHOOSE THE <strike>MOVIE</strike> CLICHES
> 
> DISCLAIMER: This fic is about fictionalized versions of the public personas of real people. I do not ship the real versions of them, nor do I want them to get together. I make no claim that this represents them accurately or truthfully. I do not know how these real people behave in private, and therefore could not write them as real people. As such, this is about fictional versions of people. Imagine an actor playing themself in a movie. Or like Adam West in all the shit he’s played himself in. This fic is about exaggerated and flanderized versions of people who I know essentially nothing about. I do not care what the real Vinesauce folks do in private, and this fic is, once again, not representative of them or their real lives.  
That being said, please enjoy, and if you are hate-reading this, please practice healthier life choices and self care.

“Listen, man…” Joel drawls into the mic. “Listen. Listen, Vinny, man, let me–” He burps, “–lemme tell you somethin’. Lemme tell you.”

“Joel…” Rev says in an unreadable tone, almost like a warning.

“No, no go ahead, Joel,” Vinny giggles, urging his far more inebriated friend to keep talking.

Joel makes a smug noise of satisfaction with Vinny indulging him before he continues. “ _ Listen _ ,” he says loudly, “Vinny. You?” A pause. “You. Are.  _ Beautiful _ .”

Vinny starts laughing at this, a wave of half-formed syllables caught behind breaths of air.

“No, no, no no  _ nonono _ !” Joel insists. “I mean it, man! You are…  _ So _ fuckin’ handsome—” Another warning call of his name from Rev goes in one ear and out the other. “—I would… I– I– you know! You know, I would probably…? Probably.”

“ _ Joel,” _ Rev says as a final ‘can’t say I didn’t warn you’, laughing hard enough that it hurts,

“I’d probably blow you, man. No. Yeah,” Joel decides, and Vinny practically starts to suffocate with how hard he’s laughing, barely able to breathe in enough to make up for the air he’s expelling in long snorts and wheezes.

“No, no!” Joel starts shouting over the other two men’s laughter, “No, no, no!  _ No! No, Listen!”  _ He insists, “Listen, like, non-sexually! I would  _ non-sexually _ blow you,” Joel tries. It does nothing to quell the stifled giggles from the other two, so he keeps going. “I’d– I’d non-sexu–sexual– “I’d  _ sensually _ suck your cock, like, because I love you,” Joel finally clarifies.

This, for some reason, seems to sober Vinny up a bit, though he’s still chuckling as he replies. “Gee, uh, thanks, Joel.”

“I mean it! I’m… I may be, like… I may be drunk. But I am still aware enough to know that this is a bad idea...  _ BUT…!”  _ Joel pauses for dramatic effect. “But– but I’m gonna do it anyway, because– Fuck it, man.”

“Is this going to be–” Rev starts, but Joel cuts him off with shushing noises. 

“Shut up, Rev. Anyway…” He takes a deep breath. “Vinny, I’m am in love with you.”

“Uhh, thanks?” Vinny squeaks after what feels like an hour of laughing paper shredder noises from his end. “‘ _ I’m am’ _ love you too, man.”

“No,” Joel says sternly. “I’m  _ in love with you _ . This isn’t– This isn’t a joke.” He suddenly sounds deathly serious now, and Vinny can’t figure out why his mouth is suddenly so  _ dry _ .

“I’ll uh, I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Joel, you’re not even going to  _ remember  _ this in an hour,” Rev says longsufferingly.

“Fuck you!” Joel squeals. “Fuck you, man! Vinny, can you believe this? I just confessed to Vinny and– and now Rev’s tellin’ me I’m not gonna remem–” he interrupts himself with another burp— “–member it? Can you believe–?” Joel continues to squawk, and neither Rev nor Vinny feel qualified to stop the oncoming Joel Rant Train. “Lemme–! Lemme–! Listen.  _ LISTEN _ . You– Y–you just wait. Youuuu wait, Rev,” He says ominously. “You wait until I see Vinny. And– And I kiss him. And  _ then _ you'll be sorry,” he finishes solemnly.

“I…?” Vinny starts, bewildered. “Oh? Yeah?” He struggles. “Is… is that…? Is that so?”

“Vinny, you stay out of this!” Joel shouts, “This is between me and Rev now!” 

Vinny continues making bemused noises in the background as the sound of Rev sitting up in his chair is picked up by his mic.

“I’m all ears,” Rev says, clearing his throat a little.

“Look,” Joel starts pointedly. “I’m in love with V-... With Vinny. And there’s  _ nothing _ you can– You know what?” He cuts himself off rancorously, “You’re just jealous, Rev! You– you, you, you, you just– you’re just jealous, man. You can’t handle that Vinny’s hotter than you—” Vinny begins choking at this, “—And I’m in love with  _ him  _ and not  _ your _ sorry ass.”   
“Is… Is  _ that  _ what you’re going with,” Rev deadpans.

“I’m goin’ with the  _ truth _ is what I’m goin’ with, man. Anyway, Vinny.”

“Uh, yeah?” Vinny responds.

“What, uh... How big is your dick?” He asks casually.

In response to Joel’s question, an indescribable noise is forced from Vinny’s lungs. 

“Okay, it’s time for someone to go to bed,” Rev says, now somehow much more capable of rational thought than his two friends.

“Is someone Joel?” Asks Joel.

“Yes, Joel.”

“Okay,” Joel says, “I’ll tell him. G’night, Rev. G’night Vin–” Speaking the first half of Vinny’s name seems to jostle his brain a bit, because Joel goes from a soft, sleepy tone to a loud, insistent one in a matter of seconds. “And you! Vinny!”

“Me?”

“You–! I meant what I said! Don’t– Don’t let tomorrow-me forget it! I meant what I said, man!” He says as his voice gradually falls back to sluggishness. “Okay. Okay, good– good night, Vinny. Okay. Bye.”

Rev and Vinny hear a clicking noise as Joel hangs up on them.

“Well.” Vinny says first, “That happened.”

Rev sighs deeply. “You know, with how often he does this I can barely tell if it’s real or not anymore.”

Vinny snorts in response. “Oh  _ please, _ Rev. Come on. He is  _ not  _ seriously in love with me. I dunno if it’s… Like, a joke, or just him being an idiot or what, but it's  _ definitely _ not the same feeling that normal-Joel holds.”   
“Okay.”

“What do you  _ mean, ‘Okay’ _ ?”

“I mean ‘Okay.’ I mean…” Rev sighs again. “It means whatever you want, man.” And Vinny doesn’t like the weird pitying tone  _ at all. _

“...What?” Vinny nudges.

“Look, I think I’m gonna head off to bed, too. Remind me to make sure Joel stops drinking as soon as we end the stream next time. Later,” Rev says, and Vinny hears a second click before he can say ‘good night’ back.

“ _ Fuck. _ ”

**Author's Note:**

> im not planning any more chapters for this but I might make a collection of "mostly-dialogue/stream excerpt" oneshot snippets.  
would that be something anyone would be interested in? let me know! and let me know if youd prefer that as chapters of one fic or as separate fics in a collection.
> 
> tumblr: is dead  
dreamwidth: scotticus
> 
> for everything else: theres vineslash


End file.
